Reflecting on Home after Living Abroad for Many Years

Feeling like a foreigner in my own country

It has been over 15 years since I last lived in Ivory Coast. I’ve been living in the United States for such a long time that I don’t even remember the details of my last visit back home. My extended family have been pressuring me to visit, so I’ve decided to go later this year for about a week. However, I’m dreading the return as I’m afraid I won’t be able to connect with family and friends anymore after being away for so long. People are going to want me to stay at someone’s house during my visit, but I’ve gotten used to my privacy and would prefer staying at a hotel. I feel like I might as well be a foreigner in my own country at this point.

Lost touch with old friends

All of my close friends from Ivory Coast have moved away to other countries long ago. The few that remained, I haven’t spoken to in years. We’ve grown apart while living separate lives on different continents. I wonder if we are even still friends after losing touch for so long. It will be awkward trying to catch up and see how much our lives have changed without each other after all this time. While I have fond memories of my friends from back home, I don’t know how reconnecting will go after being absent from each other’s lives for over a decade and a half.

Nostalgia for home fading over the years

When I had just moved to the US, I really missed Ivory Coast. I missed the food, hanging out with friends, spending time with certain family members, and the relaxed pace of life back home. I missed the culture and general atmosphere of the place, as well as speaking French with the same accent as others. However, after living abroad for so many years, that nostalgia and homesickness has faded. While I remember what I used to miss, it’s no longer at the forefront of my mind on a daily basis living overseas. Now, Ivory Coast just seems like a distant memory and returning feels more like visiting a foreign land rather than going back home.

Culture shock upon return

After being completely immersed in American culture for over a decade and a half, I expect to experience some culture shock when I return to Ivory Coast. Things have surely changed a lot since I last lived there. The way people interact, social norms, technology usage, infrastructure development - I’m sure it’s all drastically different now. While the core traditions and values remain the same, the modern world has progressed the country in new directions. Adjusting to these changes and reintegrating into Ivorian society will be an adjustment after being away for so long immersed in another culture and way of life. The pace may feel faster than I’m used to in the US as well.

Loss of citizenship familiarity

One thing I’ve really missed living abroad is the familiarity and citizenship of being in one’s home country. So much of daily life as an expatriate involves navigating unfamiliar administrative procedures as a foreigner in the host country. From work authorization to renting housing to basic paperwork, it’s a constant reminder that you don’t fully belong wherever you currently reside. Going through these immigration-related hoops on a regular basis makes me long for the seamless belonging and lack of bureaucratic hurdles that comes with citizenship in one’s own nation. I’m sure adjusting to these new immigration rules I’ll face upon returning won’t be straightforward either.

What remains from memories of home

A few things still strongly remain from my memories of Ivory Coast that I expect will feel comfortably familiar upon return. The authentic dishes like attiéké, alloco, and other traditional foods will be beloved treats to enjoy. Ivorian culture has always emphasized warmth and community, which I recall fondly contrasting to the individualism that dominates in the West. Music and nightlife were also always vibrant parts of the local scene. Most of all, I still hold a deep appreciation for the resilient spirit and pride of the Ivorian people wherever life has led me. These enduring similarities amidst change are what I’m looking forward to reconnecting with most during my visit back home.

Revisiting home with new perspective

While some nostalgia and comforts will likely remain, I’m aware that after living abroad for so long, I will see Ivory Coast through very different eyes than before. My experiences in other societies have given me new perspectives to view my homeland. Things I may have taken for granted or been too close to notice clearly before will stand out. I want to rediscover what has stayed the same but also what has continued developing into the present day. Rather than longing for the past, I aim to embrace the country as it is now and better understand where it is heading. Reconnecting with roots doesn’t mean being restricted by them but rather gaining renewed appreciation through an expanded global viewpoint. With an open and mindful approach, I hope this long-awaited trip back can be fulfilling for both reconnection and personal growth on my journey.

Facing reality of disconnection from home

Despite my anticipation and desire to rekindle ties, I must also accept the reality that after living overseas for over 15 years, I will likely feel disconnected and out of touch upon returning. New chapters of our separate lives mean we have grown apart from what we once knew. Places, people and rhythms of daily life will have shifted in ways that can’t be undone. While nostalgia and sentiment still linger in memory, recreating the past as it was is impossible. Going back with realistic expectations of finding differences rather than only similarities will make for a healthier experience emotionally. With patience and adaptability to change on all sides, despite difficulties, opportunities for renewed understanding can still be found where interests cross paths again.

Openness to new beginnings upon return

Rather than viewing this upcoming visit to Ivory Coast through the lens of what was lost to time and distance, I intend to focus on it as a new beginning. A fresh chance to rebuild connections, however different they may be from before, and to foster continuing relationships going forward despite our separate locations. An opportunity to appreciate what has remained strong as well as what new developments enrich the culture and society. By leaving nostalgia and fears of disappointment at the door in favor of an open and present mindset, I believe the trip can enable both honoring past bonds and laying foundations for our evolving paths to intersect constructively going into the future, wherever it may lead any of us individually or as a nation. With patience and willingness to see anew, each return carries potential for chapters after long absence.